By Scot Coar

It seems that to play the games honestly and in order for both players to reap its benefits fully, active listening is an imperative. It is natural in dyadic conversation to formulate thoughts while the other person is speaking so that a response can be constructed and expressed.  The speaker might trigger series of thoughts in the listener which might take his/her mind on a tangent, even if just peripherally.  In these games, it seems, that it is important, particularly because there can be anticipation/trepidation regarding one’s own impending turn, to avoid those tangents and to listen closely, singularly to what the person is saying.

When, active listening is used in the context of these games the listener allows the speaker to construct, through words, inflections, pauses, breathing, a complete landscape and in doing so communicate more fully his/her emotional experience. The active listener is almost meditatively focused on the speaker allowing for a more genuine emotional experience.  Blocking out external stimuli as well as internal thoughts to focus on the speaker (as one would in meditation) builds a sense of trust and allows the listener to have a much more immediate and at times profound listening experience.

In my own experience playing the games I have found that, when active listening, I am sometimes surprised by an emotion;  A sudden belly laugh, a pang in the chest, a sense of joy, of pain.  I find that the experience is not unlike when one approaches a work of art openly, without expectation and is moved in a profound, sometimes life changing way. This, I feel, is potential that active listening holds within the context of Life-Play.  Afterwards, when the speaker is finished or at the end of the session there will be time for reflection and more to reflect upon than if one were half listening, thinking about one’s own turn, doodling or multi-tasking.

Some of the games require a back and forth between the players. Although this may seem a more difficult occasion to be an Active Listener, I think it actually helps the flow of the game, its purity of expression and the happy surprises that often occur.  An example is the poem construction game where players construct a poem alternating turns line by line and beginning each line with the same phrase (i.e. Wouldn’t you know…). If one were thinking of a clever line while the other person speaks the poem would have no real continuity but if both players are listening actively and responding instinctively to what they hear then something striking can occur, some truth can be discovered and a real connection between players can develop.